Running Away from You : A FAN FICTION

This is just a fan fiction dedicated to all fangirls around the world. I repeat: this is just a FAN FICTION.

I was listening to Outer Space/Carry On by 5 Seconds of Summer with an aching heart, then I got inspired, so this is it. This fan fiction goes out to you. I never meant to judge or break down someone's soul. You know how I feel because some of you may feel it too. Say it's just another fiction then we can move on with our lives.

(I don't own any of those brands or names mentioned in the story. Only Chastity Anderson is my character.)

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Sometime in the beginning of summer.

They say tube is the fastest way to London, so here I am, sitting in the damn train, waiting for another hour of journey to London. I don’t remember London that well, because whenever I went there, I’ve never been alone. But now is different. I do hate the fact that I am alone in this tube—well not physically, but more emotionally. Curse that man for not being there, when he probably is with that girl right now, I don’t know. Jealousy is eating me alive. I don’t fucking care. My sanity is all that I care about right now.

The past days have been so rough for me, and he doesn’t even know that. Of course we are just friends or whatever. But lately, he’s rarely paying attention to me and my possessive sides start taking over. I have his number that I can call everytime, but I choose to be quiet. My bestie told me everything, but nothing detailed. Right now I am thinking that this all is just a stupid rumor as usual. I have to make sure of everything.

The journey takes two hours and ten minutes, and not so long after I arrive at London Euston station. I step out of the train. I’ve been here before, several times. Mostly when I have a weekend off from my campus and I’m off with my friends. I take the escalator upstairs. Seeing the sunshine, I exit the building. Okay, I admit I’m a little bit lost. God damn it! Curse myself for not being good at remembering the surroundings. But I walk out anyway.

Where should I go? Anyway, asking myself is not gonna solve anything. Then I walk. I walk down the sidewalk. Summer breeze touch my skin like hot feathers. I quietly blame myself for not putting any sunscreen. Luckily I have my brown leather jacket with me. I walk for another fifteen minutes—wow that’s a lot—before I decide to take a bus to downtown London. One thing I love about London is the people and the atmosphere, almost feel like home. But after this, I don’t know what to feel.

The bus stopped just right near The London Eye. Well, just like I want. Scanning over the whole place, I walk over the riverside. I just want to calm my mind for a while before facing him. Well actually I don’t know where to go. I don’t know where he lives. Luxurious neighborhood? Well not everyone can pass those streets. You’re just a friend, Chastity. And he has so many friends and close friends.

Walking down this sidewalk brings me back to a memory when we met, just a while ago. We met and fell in love—well technically it’s me who is falling. Knowing it’s me, I fall hard, so hard I can’t even describe it. Meeting him was an amazing experience, I thought it was fate, and I’m still thinking that it is fate. Knowing deeper someone that you know from YouTube, TV, magazines, and social media, is still the best experience and challenging moment. I don’t fangirl, well not anymore. I’ve stopped a week ago. Fangirling over him doesn’t take you anywhere. It leads you nowhere. So I’ve stopped, and with that, coming along this aching hole in my heart.

I lean over the brick wall, glancing over the building across the river. I’ve seen this in a music video that I recall I don’t want to think of. I smile, but my lips are shaking. They’re shaking because it’s a reflex motion connected to the tears glands before my eyes. I can’t cry, and I won’t cry. It’s been days and I haven’t cried. What a miracle! I sigh, glancing at my phone, unlocking it. I press the contact app and typing his name. Should I call him? Before I even press the phone button, my name is being called.

“Chaz?” I frezze. “Chastity, is that you?”

Thick Irish accent can make someone weak, as weak as I am right now. I wish the ground will break open and swallow me alive. I hate this moment.

“Yeah, it’s totally you, Chastity!”

I turn my head and immediately greeted by a pair of blue eyes. And surprisingly, he’s alone. Thank God.

“Hey, what a surprise!” I say with a British accent, my best.

He smiles. He has that grey flat cap and denim jacket. So casual, and blending in. I’m surprised that there is no big crowd behind him.

“Yeah. Nice British accent anyway, Chaz. As usual,” he jokes cheekily.

Please don’t laugh. I can’t resist it.

“I don’t see a company, so I assume you’re coming alone. Wanna grab a drink?” he says.

“You know I don’t drink.” I reply.

He chuckles, “Well, it’s not about my drink. It’s more like your drink.”

I smile a little, “And that is?”

“Your favorite coffee shop.”

I nod, “Alright.”

We walk separately, because I know there are eyes anywhere. That’s the reason why we didn’t hug or touch, earlier. Beside he doesn’t want to be accused of cheating, dear Chastity. Of course he does.

There’s one Starbucks near The Queen’s Walk, and now we’re there. The coffee shop seems so quiet and it’s kind of unusual. But that also means lesser eyes.

“What do you want?” he asks.

“Chocolate Marshmallow S’mores Frappuccino,” I reply.

“Go find a vacant seat, the drink’s on me.”

“What? You don’t have to do that.”

“A drink won’t hurt, will it Chaz?” he rises an eyebrow.

I roll my eyes in a playful manner, “Of course not, you snowball.”

I flash him a smile, before walking to a vacant seat in the corner. Hidden from everyone. I unlock my phone and go straight to a book app. I need a distraction before the talk. He wants a talk, that’s why he sent us here. And I wanted to talk, but now I have no courage. I can’t face what will happen next. Who knows?

A drink is being put in front of me, distracting me from what I read earlier. I realize the name isn’t even his or mine. I glance confusedly at the cheeky boy who is now sitting at the opposite side of the table, facing away from the rest of the coffee shop.

“Jasper Frost? Seriously? We don’t even know someone with that name.” I say, half smiling.

“You know him. The guy at that TV series. What is it?”

I giggle, “You mean The Royals, huh?”

“Yes that one!” he chuckles.

“He’s my fave after Liam, ya know.”

“Liam the prince or my mate Liam?” he bites his lower lip with a cheeky smile.

Please stop doing that!

“Of course Liam the prince. Who else?” I roll my eyes.

“I was just teasing you, Chaz!”

I don’t like your teasing, because I’m so easy to be carried away with my feelings.

“Yeah.” I sigh then take a big sip from my drink.

“Chaz.”

“Hmm?”

I play with my green straw, spinning it around the small hole at the top of the cup.

“Chaz.”

“Yeah?”

Again, I don’t glance right at him. I just ignore him.

“Chastity!” he said a little louder.

“What?” I say to him, shortly.

He sighs, “You know what. Well, what are you doing here?”

I freeze. Glancing at him I squint my eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t bring company and you’re alone. What are you doing here?” he asks again.

“Hey, it’s London! Do you think a girl can’t have some fun? Besides, my company was just going in separate ways. She wanted to go to Madame Tussauds,” I lie. I came here to see you, you fool!

He’s eyeing me suspiciously.

“Don’t lie to me, Chaz. You love Madame Tussauds.”

“But it was getting so boring, so I took a bus here from University College London.” I reply.

“Right. I saw you.” He says shortly.

I nearly choked on my drink, “What?”

“I was dropping someone off at the college. And I saw you taking the bus, so I followed you to make sure it’s you.”

Sure. He was dropping off that college girl. Why can’t he just say to me that he’s dropping off his girlfriend?

“And I’m pretty sure convinced that you are all alone. It’s not even weekend and you are skipping class, aren’t you? Or more lies?”

Damn he makes me look like a lying bitch! I frown.

“So what?”

“You love your degree very much. It’s not you.” He states.

I sigh, “I haven’t been myself for the past week.”

He frowns, “Why?”

“Well, it’s nothing. It’s not like I have a boyfriend to drive me to college, because as an international student, I’m completely alone in this damn country.” I say carelessly. I don’t even care with what he will think of me. I have to get it out from my chest.

He sits up straight, “I see where you want to take this. Sorry I haven’t introduced her.”

“No need. I know who she is,” I say with a straight face, “it’s all over the media.”

“Yes it is,” he sighs, “and that’s what bothering you?”

I am so jealous, but I’m nobody.

I take another sip from my drink. Maybe that’s how to ease these bad nerves. My heart aches.

“I don’t know. I’m just a friend.”

“That’s it. You’re just jealous, aren’t you, Chastity?” he states.

I glare at him, “If so, why do you care? Isn’t it just none of your business?”

He frowns, “Well, it doesn’t matter who I’m seeing. It’s also none of your business.”

Tears start to make their way. Fucking hell, I’m not gonna cry in front of this man!

“You led me on.” I say quietly, hoping he won’t hear. But he has rabbit ears, so of course he can hear me.

“I did not lead you on. I am being kind to everyone. It’s just you thinking I’m giving out some signals.” He says simply. Just like that.

I frown, “That’s it?”

“And because I’m seeing someone, maybe that’s why I haven’t contacted you for some time.”

My heart breaks into million pieces. I still can’t believe this. I feel like a foolish. Well, you are such a fool, Chastity Anderson! I am. I gasp for come air because my chest feels so tight. Tighter that I’ve ever felt before. I can’t cry. I won’t cry. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.

“I…I don’t understand.”

“But you have to.” He glances at me with those dreamy blue eyes.

“Are you saying that I’m a stupid fool?”

“What?”

“You heard me.” I frown.

“I am not saying anything. I just wanna say that I did not lead you on.” He says softly.

I take a deep breath, “I’ve spent the past years supporting you right there! Right before we met! And you know what? You’ve hurt me! You have hurt me!” I snap.

I can’t contain it any more. I have to let it out.

“Sure you have supported me back then, you can support me now!” he says back.

“You know what, you have messed my head, you have messed my heart, you have messed my emotion, and you have messed my life for sure! Fuck you for that!”

“It’s not my fault! Right now, you are not acting like my friend, you’re starting to act like a jealous fan.” He shakes his head from side to side.

I just can’t let those tears go freely, I fake a laugh, “I am and I was.”

“But you know what? You can think that I may be delusional, or even insane. Sure, I only have 71% sanity in me. And as a fan, or even jealous fan, I’m telling you, I know it’s your life, your own businesses, and stuff like that, but there are a million brokenhearted girls crying at their room, crying over their little hope to see you to have a chance to cherish you. You may say they are delusional, but guess what? It’s a part of a thing called ‘fangirling’. They’re the one paying your bills. This is so funny! Why am I even telling you all of this? We are heartbroken. We all are. A little part of your life. You won’t notice I see, because you can’t stay single forever, eh? You need someone. We can’t do anything about it, because you’ve said it earlier, it’s none of our business.” I pause with another ironic laugh, “I am done, and I really am. Now please, I still have a broken heart that is none of your business, to be taken care of.”

His face becomes serious, “Chastity, it doesn’t have to be like this. I am sorry.”

“Apology is not enough. Even a kiss can’t mend a broken heart. You and your stupid songs!” I shake my head side to side.

I stand up and grab my jacket. He glances at me surprised.

“Be with that college girl, Niall. I’m sorry I can’t support you no more. I’m sorry for wanting more. And thanks for the drink, and also the past years being a mood booster. I…I just can’t…”

Tears flow freely from my eyes, and I walk away towards the door so that he doesn’t have to see me crying. Crying is for the weak. I am not. I put my jacket on and suddenly it’s raining.

“Chastity!”

“Chaz!”

I don’t turn back. Looking back is hurt enough and I still have a long road ahead of me. I know what’s best and this probably is the best. I pull my phone out and erasing his number. No more keep in touch. He’s happy, isn’t he? Why shouldn’t I? Even though it’s hurt like hell and gonna leave a scar. I just hate it! I hate for being in love. This probably the last. I thought I’m running back to him, but turn out that I’m running away from him. The music in my head has proven me wrong.

I guess I was running from something

I was running back to you

Lost here in London with nothing

I’m still running back to you

If you can love me again

I could let go of everything

But nope. Goodbye. I’m off for good.

*

 AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I know, I know. Sad isn't it? But I wrote here not to let down anyone. I wrote this simply and purely from my heart. I never said I disagree. Sure, some of us in the fandom are Chastity Anderson, but we refuse to admit that. But that's okay. That's truly fine. Don't blame me or even judge me for this. You don't even know me. I wrote this because I got an inspiration. Heartbreak is the best inspiration, sometimes. I'm sorry if I offend you or something. I have no intention of doing that. You know, sometimes people get too harsh in expressing their feelings, and for that I am so sorry if I'm too harsh. This fan fiction is dedicated for all fangirls, I don't care which fandom are you in, but the story will be pretty much the same. I didn't mention a name, only the celebrity and I feel like I shouldn't, but yeah. Once again, I'm sorry if I turn out to be very offensive. Peace out! We are all fangirls and we rule the world.

XOXO Mary.